What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
