someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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