I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
