Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
