i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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