also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
