Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
