I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
