Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
