can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Randomize