If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
