Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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