I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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