dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
