kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
