your room smells of hookers.
And success
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
