He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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