I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
