Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We just shotgunned beers for America
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
