The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
