he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
