i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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