She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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