I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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