i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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