I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
