How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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