like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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