Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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