Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize