I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize