I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
