Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
