I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize