I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
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