turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
