I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize