i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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