my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize