And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
