Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
