she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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