i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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