fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
