you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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