God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
