I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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