so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
