it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
