Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
