ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
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