Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize