like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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