M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
