i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
