and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
