Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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