he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
