No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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