Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
