Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
