is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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