When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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