I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
