Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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