I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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